English is sometimes a funny language and here are a few words and other things to ponder.

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why is pneumonia spelled with a “P?” My dad always laughed at this and asked why it did not start with “N.”

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Think about it.

Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? My wife Vicki does this, even if I am driving. I guess she thinks it makes me see better.

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

Why is it called a TV “set” when you only get one?

Why is there an expiration date on a sour cream container?

Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny? Now that is comical.

What do sheep count when they can’t get to sleep?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

English muffins were not invented in England, and french fries are not from France.

If you throw a cat out of a car window, does it become kitty litter?

Is there another word for thesaurus?

Is there another word for synonym?

Is it not a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”? Now that is something to think about.

Is grass really greener on the other side? I think it is just as green.

Why are they called “apartments” when they are all connected together?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? We males could get in trouble with this one!

Is it wrong for a vegetarian to eat animal crackers?

Boxing rings are square.

People who ride motorcycles are called bikers, yet people who ride bikes are called cyclists.

Colonel is spelled this way, even though we pronounce it “kernel.”

Two words I have always had trouble with that sound the same but are spelled differently are accept – (to take in) or to except (other than).

Then there is aid (to assist or give assistance) and aide (one who gives assistance).

Ail is to suffer poor health, but ale is a beverage.

Another pair of words I can have trouble with if I do not think about it are allusion (an indirect reference) and illusion (a false appearance).

A cent is a copper penny coin, while scent is an odor.

Chile is a country in South America, while chili is something we put on a hot dog or add to beans and then there is chilly – it is frosty outside.

We have a council, a committee like a city council, and then there is counsel, to give guidance to someone.

There is creak, like a squeaky door hinge, and there is creek, a stream of water.

One more that I have to think about when spelling it to make sure I get the correct one is desert (to abandon) or a desert (dry, sandy land) and dessert, which we all know is a sweet after-dinner treat.

Another set of words that sound alike but are spelled differently, each with distinct meanings, includes “there,” “their,” and “they’re.” “There” is an adverb referring to a location. “Their” is a possessive pronoun, and “they’re” is the contraction of “they are.” Many of us mix these up occasionally, usually due to speed rather than a lack of knowledge. A helpful tip for choosing the correct one is to remember that “there” contains “here,” “their” includes “heir,” and “they’re” features an apostrophe.

These are just a few words or things I have found while researching this column on the internet. I am sure you may have a couple also.

Until next time.

(Kyle Lovern is a longtime journalist in the Tug Valley. He is now a retired freelance writer and columnist for the Mountain Citizen.)