If you have not heard, this is an election year. We are already having primary elections across the United States.
This is an important year since we will elect a president, U.S. Senators, and many Congressmen.
I am not going to get into politics and tell you how to vote. However, I looked up some quotes on politicians and politics that might bring a smile to your face.
Here we go.
“Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.”
“Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics and your opponent will do it for you.”
“Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”
“Always tell the truth. That way you do not have to remember what you said.”
“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” Mark Twain
“We could say the government spends like drunken sailors, but that would be unfair to drunken sailors, because the sailors are spending their own money.”
“I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress.”
“It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.” Ronald Reagan
“The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it, except they keep coming back!”
“Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.”
“I do not make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”
“The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.” Will Rogers
“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” Albert Einstein
“My choice early in life was either to be a piano player in a whorehouse or a politician. To tell the truth, there is hardly a difference.”
“It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.”
“Term limits would cure both senility and seniority—both terrible legislative diseases.”
“If you cannot convince them, confuse them.” Harry S. Truman
“I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.”
“It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.” Dan Quayle
Here are a couple of political jokes from Reader’s Digest I found on the internet.
A robber held up a well-dressed man, pointing his gun and yelling, “Give me all your money!” The man replied, “Do not you know who I am? I am a U.S. congressman!” The robber retorted, “In that case, give me all my money!”
…
Q: How many congressmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two—one to change the bulb and one to change it back again.
…
Q: Why do thieves never target politicians’ homes?
A: Professional courtesy. … When I was a kid, my dad always told me anyone could become president. Now that I am an adult, I believe it … and it gives me nightmares!
…
And I will end it with this: Fines are taxes you pay for doing something wrong. Taxes are fines you pay for doing something right.
I hope this brought a smile to your face or maybe even made you laugh a little. Until next time.
(Kyle Lovern is a longtime journalist in the Tug Valley. He is now a retired freelance writer and columnist for the Mountain Citizen.)